Saturday, April 14, 2012

A Balancing Act

I’m having a bit of a personal crisis right now.

Here is the question: How do you write as a career while also being a wife, a mother, working a part-time job and planning a move from one side of the globe to the other? Answers? Anyone? Bueller?

The thing is, I suspect just being a wife and writer is difficult enough. I imagine a lot of partners of writers know the particular loneliness of being in the same room with the person you love and knowing that while that person is physically there, she is not mentally there, off as she is plotting the next scene. Add erotica writer to the mix and you have the added face slap of knowing it’s probably with her face in someone else’s crotch. It’s a lot to ask of a person, really.

Hubby is lovely. You’d really like him. So very handsome, best dad ever, very good in the kitchen. And in the bedroom, well… *eyes glaze over* What was I saying? Oh, right. It’s okay. He knows that the only one I want is him. And the fact that he lets me have my little fantasies, write them down and share them with anyone who happens to enjoy the kinky little things that crop up in my dirty mind, well, that’s what keeps me sane. And helps me love him even more.

But sometimes it gets a bit much. It must feel like I’m constantly … away. Away with the kids, away at my part time job, and then even when I’m home with him, away in my head. It gets lonely for him. I can’t say as I blame him for saying so.

So how do I do it? How do I fit it all in? I’m just not sure.

I’m telling myself, and him, that once we are settled Down Under, the kids are in school full time and he’s working, I can happily be writing away in what will hopefully be our cozy little home with a room set aside just for that. Dare I say a Room of My Own. And so then when we are reunited at the end of each day I can be fully present, having wrung my twisted, freaky self out onto the pages of my aging laptop while they were gone. Possible? Only time will tell…


  1. So, you have mentioned a couple times moving and it appears that is from Canada to Australia. Why are you moving? Is hubby not working now? Is the move for a job for him? Just trying to help answer you and the why of this seems critical to me. If you're uprooting the family and hauling them around the world for a job for him, a little loneliness while still here pales in comparison as far as this male's logical mind concludes.

    1. No, it's a very happy move being made for quality of life reasons. My whole family is there!

    2. OK, great! Reading your response to Janine below is very intriguing.

      You say: "If the roles were reversed and he was always fantasizing about other women..."

      Is that actually the case with you? If so, he reaps the reward, right? You've kind of hinted at that before, so, I hope so.

      It's neat as hell to think you're living as your characters vicariously.

      You sound overall so very together, except for the very attractive goofiness we love, I think you all will survive this period very nicely.

    3. Aw, I sound so very together? Um, yes, yes, that's exactly right. I have it all very together. *shuffles nervously under the pressure of trying to appear together*

  2. Ah, the eternal dilemma for women writers. Men are allowed to neglect wife, family and friends for the sake of their muse, their dream or their career. Married/partnered women who do it face blame and guilt - from themselves first of all. And OMG, you are being unfaithful - in your head!

    Forgive me, but if the roles were reversed would the problem look the same? Or are you just martyring yourself on the altar of Being the Perfect Wife and Mom?

    If the problem would be the same in either direction, then you have to ask yourself how serious you are about your writing, and what you are prepared to give up (and make other people give up) for the writing's sake. Only you can decide that.

    1. Hm. That's a good question. If the roles were reversed and he was always fantasizing about other women... I don't know. I think sometimes I would be jealous! Especially if I were looking for attention and he was staring off into space dreaming about Angelina Jolie. ;)

      Not trying to be perfect, just trying to figure out what works. What everyone can live with.

      Yes, I agree. And I've pretty much decided that life is going to be a little crazy until we get settled again. I just hope we all come out the other side in one piece.

      Thanks for your perspective, Janine!

  3. As for that perfect wife and mom altar, I realized the futility of that some time ago. No one wins not to mention it's no fun at all! And if you're not having fun, what's the bloody point? Lol.


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